Right Now--Lucy Whitman Sandmeyer

Right now, at this very moment, somewhere in the universe, some country on some planet in some galaxy has just established capitalism (as it’s called on Earth) for the very first time. Or, for the very least, the first time they know about. Of course, just as we thought every new liberal social system was new, liberal, and social, so thinks this country—lets call it, as the closest earth translation, Poharoe—of capitalism. In Poharoe the supreme leader is a woman named Drusilla because, you see, long ago they discovered the minds of women far surpassed the minds of men in ability, and from then on always insisted upon electing them into power. Ridiculous creatures these Poharoens but they did just successfully implement capitalism so we have to give them some credit.

Anyway, Drusilla and her minions (or, as we call them, cabinet members) are followers of this man named Tesyen. Tesyen was pretty cool. He decided a long time ago that everyone on the planet, including the Poharoens, were screwed. “Truly and utterly screwed” is specifically how he articulated it in his famous book Here’s the Thing. And, as an offset of that, Tesyen casually threw off the suggestion that the Poharoens implement what we know as capitalism and, as it turned out, a lot of other people agreed with him. So, pretty soon after, Drusilla decided that, as supreme leader, the best thing she could do is just go with it.

That brings us to today. Today, as the first day of this new capitalist society, Drusilla has ordered the mass construction of a giant building called Triumph. It’s golden and pointy and really just incredibly impressive. So impressive, in fact, that psychologists have predicted that all the anti-capitalists, of which there are quite a few, will forget their opposition as soon as it is built. This conclusion, of course, might mostly be because, as the sole (semi to fully forced) benefactors of Triumph, these ATCs will probably become proud of their contribution and, by default, the tower itself. Then again, ATC’s are not very susceptible to basic logic or fact.

And yet, since I do not know even how we Earthlings will fair in this ever changing universe of ours, I can in no way conclude how the ATCs, or Poharoens in general, will. In fact, the only thing I can tell you for sure is only thing I really wanted to tell you in the first place: Tesyen is on his way to Earth right now. A convert to his own beliefs, Tesyen comes to spread his knowledge with anyone who will listen. I just wonder how we receive him.

To all who actually read this: I'm not really sure what's going on here. I am sorry.