How to Avoid Your Responsibilities --Lucy Whitman Sandmeyer

How to Avoid Your Responsibilities

To begin, you have to get some responsibilities. This is generally not very hard. Okay so now that you’re overwhelmed with the crushing amount of things to do, you can start the process. This is easier for some than others so I will make this interactive. Start wherever you want:

1.      

a.     You are a good sleeper. Stress makes you sleep. Sickness makes you sleep. Too much sleep makes you sleep. Literally everything makes you sleep. See: 2a

b.     Stress gets you wired. You don’t actually do anything but you can’t fall asleep. EVER. See: 3a

c.     Stress motivates you to get stuff done. See: 5b

2.      

a.     Just succumb. Sleep for hours. Be prepared for frantic phone calls from collaborators and voicemails ranging from stressed to seriously pissed. To deal with this, see: 2b

b.     Just ignore it. Seriously, life pales in comparison to living the dream (-Bo Burnham).  Now, you’re good. See: 5a

3.      

a.     Here your options are practically unlimited (except, of course, to sleep) so you are going to have bear with me. To learn about your options at home, see: 3b. To learn about your options outside of your house, see: 4a

b.     With the modern age of technology, a lot can be done at home. See 3c if you want to avoid the intense black hole of the interweb. If not, activities vary from extreme binge watching of crappy TV shows, extreme binge watching of really good TV shows, extreme binge watching of YouTube videos, extreme gaming, extreme podcasting, watching actual TV if that’s the kind of person you are, endless scrolling through various social media websites, taking the perfect selfie, finding the perfect background for your phone/computer/tablet, listening to a lot of music then spending all your money buying it, playing around with different settings on every device you own just to switch things up, talking to strangers on websites that the world would be better without, texting four to eight people at the same time in different conversations, reading old text messages, and everything in between. Now, see: 5a

c.     While many things in your house are less infinite than technology, you can still kill time in creative ways. Lying on your bed for hours is a good start to complete and utter time wasting. You can clean your room, learn how to fold a fitted sheet, vacuum, read all the books you read as a child again while avoiding all the ones that you actually should read, rearrange your room, cook everything in your kitchen one at a time, fluff a lot of pillows, organize your closet, organize your school supplies (this is great for when you want to convince yourself you’re being productive), slide around the floors in socks, bake, color, and paint your room. Also, literally everything else. See: 5a

4.      

a.     This continues to be based on many factors. If you live in a city see: 4b. If you live in the middle of nowhere/can’t get a ride ever see: 4c

b.     In a city the best thing to do is go out to eat. Of course (hahahahahaha pun), this tactic can only last a few trips before you become totally broke, but until then, enjoy. After that, you can visit a huge amount of places. The mall is good unless you hate 12 year olds. Various athletic endeavors are possible. You’ve got the basic gym with cardio and specific machines but then you can look into unique forms like kick boxing, rock climbing/bouldering, martial arts, various water sports like polo, yoga/Pilates, etc. Beyond that, just walking places and following your nose is a great way to not do anything but learn to appreciate your place of residence more! Now, see: 5a

c.     Generally, there are a couple of stores to frequent in small places, so become familiar with those. Ambling about is great, especially when you don’t really know much about your surroundings. Exercise is pretty good if you’re willing. Be warned: the more effort you put into things, the more you may be willing to deal with your responsibilities I’m trying to help you avoid. After you’re done with one or more of these, see:  5a

5.      

a.     You did it! If these activities failed you, get creative. Maybe write a blog about how to avoid your responsibilities. It’s working for me right now. Depending on how pressing everything you have to do is, now is a really good time to reevaluate and see if you should start the process all over again. See: a physical stack of the work you have to complete. Then have a crisis.

b.     Seriously, why are you even here? If your motivation becomes a problem, see: a therapist.