how to confuse people through texting -catherine van tatenhove

Personally, I hate texting. Whether they are just a friend or something more I hate trying to keep a conversation going, and I find most people suck at texting just as much or more than I do. Conversations turn into mundane painful wastes of time demonstrated by the following:
me: hey
bob: what's up
me: nothing
bob: cool
Ok, this is hyperbolic, but to me it feels like I am being suffocated by one word meaningless replies until I just stop relying. Overtime I've just decided that if someone thinks they are going to get another "normal" conversation out of me, they are wrong. So, here is how to confuse people solely through the median of texting, and maybe keep you sane in the process.
me: hey
bob: what's up
me: bob
bob: yes..?
me: the chair bob
bob: what
me: the chair bob the chair
bob: what....
me: IT'S SPEAKING TO ME BOB
bob: the chair?
me:YES BOB THE CHAIR IT SPEAKS
bob: um, are you ok?
me: oh my god stop yelling at me
me: what's wrong with you
bob: I am so confused...
me: you're the worst
bob: okay? what did I even do?
me: also, guess what.
bob: what
me: I am 1000% kidding
bob: about what
me: hey
bob: ur kidding me
me: what's up