iWrite- Anya Slepyan

Recently, the world of airplane entertainment suffered a huge loss. Sky Mall, a company best known for selling items that no one could possibly need, filed bankruptcy. Although Sky Mall could always be depended on to sell various tchotchkes ranging from Harry Potter wands to the One Ring, I always found the most amusing section to be the one focusing on electronic innovations that served a purpose so bizarre and specific that it could hardly be considered a purpose at all. One outstanding example is the paper-towel holder that was also outfitted with three electrical outlets, for anyone who needed to dispense paper-towels and charge their phone(s) at the same time. (I tried to convince my parents that it would make a perfect wedding gift for my cousins, but the whimsy of the product was overshadowed by its substantial price tag, forcing my parents to conclude that the newlyweds would have to survive without the crucial domestic furnishing.)

However, Sky Mall is not the only force responsible for the dissemination of seemingly useless technology. A subcategory of what I consider to be pointless “innovation” is the creation of electronic gadgets that serve an identical function to items already in existence. One such item, which can be found in certain classrooms within our school, is the electric stapler. Although having to physically push a lever may seem totally last century, I cannot imagine why an electric stapler is necessary. It is neither more efficient nor effective than its manual counterpart, and does nothing to lessen the already minimal risk of self-harm through idiotic misuse. The one aspect that differs significantly between the electric and manual staplers is that a mid-range manual stapler can be purchased for around twelve dollars, while a lower-end electric stapler can be yours for only $64.99! What I find to be even more remarkable than the effort that someone underwent to invent, produce, and market the stapler is the apparent existence of a consumer market for the appliance.

This trend of creating superfluous technology can only grow stronger over the next decade, as every young entrepreneur in the country moves to Silicon Valley to create their own start-up, all striving to become the next Steve Jobs. I anticipate that as time progresses, gadgets that would seem useless to you and me today will quickly become necessities. In 2015, electronic bubble wrap (for hours of entertainment valued at $21.66)  may seem ridiculous, but I’m sure we’ll reconsider in ten years or so, when we’re jamming out to our iPod toilet speakers while keeping our feet fresh with Hydro-Tech’s  air-conditioned shoes.